Super Smash Noir
by DoctorOddLove
Summary: Trouble is brewing in the city of Smash. Murder, betrayal, deceit, and conspiracy run rampant. If the heroes of Super Smash Bros are going to save the day, they're gonna have to do it together.
1. Dial M For Mario

The year was 2014 CE. It was mid-June in the city of Smash, the largest urban hub of the Mushroom Kingdom. It was a Tuesday night like any other. Or was it? Something big was going to happen, something that would change Smash's inhabitants, the Mushroom Kingdom, and the world itself, forever...

It was 8:03pm as Mario pulled the piping hot spaghetti out of the oven. He placed napkins and forks at the table, scooped the pasta onto plates, and poured himself a glass of iced coffee before sitting at the table. A lovely night with a lovely dinner and a lovely girlfriend like Princess Peach would usually have Mario in bright cheer, but he wasn't in the happiest mood this time.

"Mama mia," mused the plumber, "where could she be? Peach is usually here by 7:30, but right now she's thirty-three minutes late."

The clock struck 8:04.

"Make that _thirty-four_ ," he said, chuckling to himself.

Suddenly, a knock came from the door. Mario jumped out of the table, stomped to the door, and pulled it open to see a worried-looking Princess Peach.

"Where the heck have you been," Mario queried, "I've been waiting for half an hour, you be grateful dinner just got out of the oven now!" Mario could see that Peach was in tears and looked genuinely sorry, so he calmed down. "Look, Peach, you know I didn't mean to raise my voice with you, I was just worried you wouldn't come." Peach wiped her tears away.

"No, Mario," she said, "I needed to come. It's important I talk to you face to face about this.

Mario guided Peach to the dining room table, pulled the easy-prep garlic bread out of the toaster, and joined her at the dining room table. Peach had calmed herself down, but she still had something serious going on in her mind, and Mario could tell.

"Mario, something magical has happened," the pink princess whispered. Mario was on the edge of his seat. "Mario, I'm going to have a baby."

A single tear was shed from Mario's left eye. "Oh Peachy, this is wonderful! We can have you move in, or better yet I can move into your castle, let Luigi take this old dump-"

"There's more you need to hear, Mario." Peach raised her chin up a little, but her eyes drooped to the side, away from Mario's curious gaze. "Bowser, as you know, has kidnapped me countless times over the years."

"Yeah," Mario snarled, "that villanous lizard used to steal my girl away every other week, can't believe the police didn't do anything, but a man with his power-"

"Mario," Peach interupted, "he wasn't kidnapping me. It was all a ruse to hide our activities from you, to keep you from finding out, but I just can't keep up this affair any longer. Now that I'm with child, it's time I came clean." Mario was stunned.

"Princess," he muttered, "what are you trying to say?"

Peach broke down into tears. "I'm saying Mario, you're not that father. But that's why I'm here. To tell you that I love you, and that even if it's not your baby, I still want you to raise it with me. I learned the error of my ways, I've forgotten about Bowser, I just want to know if you'll ever forgive me."

The revelation hit Mario like a Bullet Bill to the heart: not knowing how to feel at first, until finally Mario screamed in rage, "You cheating bitch! How could you do this to me! After all I've done for you, after all that time I wasted trying to save you when you didn't need saving! Hell, I'm the one that needs saving, from you and your filthy lies. Get out! Get out of my house, I don't wanna see you ever again!"

Peach stumbled out of her chair and ran out the door and into the night. Mario walked to the door and watch her run down the cobblestone road and through the darkness. Just before she was out of sight, he screamed to her, "Oh yeah, I was fucking Rosalina on the side, if that makes you feel better about lying to me, you lying piece of taint!"

Mario walked to the table, picked up the plates, and poured the pasta into the sink.

. . . . .

It was a Friday afternoon in the Green Hill Skate Park. Sonic the Hedgehog and Kirby were having a chili dog break before going back to skateboarding. Sonic looked at the local newspaper as he feasted on his lunch. His eyes opened wider than usual at the big headline: _Mushroom Kingdom's Power Couple Torn Apart_

"Whoa, look at this, Kirby!" Sonic exclaimed as the pink puffball inhaled his fourth chili dog of the day. "You can't read since you're still a kid and all, so I'll read it aloud for you. 'Super' Mario, the Mushroom Kingdom's best plumber, has broken up with his girlfriend of thirty years, Princess Peach Toadstool! The princess commented it was due to her revealing her pregnancy to him!"

Kirby's big eyes glowed with concern as Sonic sighed, "Breaking up with your girl because you couldn't take responsibility? That's no good."

. . . . .

Mario was in bed, thinking about the harsh betrayal he had received several days before. He had gotten over things, but he only wished she hadn't told the newspapers they'd broken up. He didn't care that Peach had said the pregnancy was why she left, but he did care how she hadn't said it was Bowser's child and not his, so now he looked like he'd cast her out because he didn't want to pay child support. The town of Smash would be looking against him from now on. No matter, he thought to himself, he would go down to the printing press tomorrow and explain all. That's when he saw it.

A shadowy figure stood at the foot of Mario's bed. "Who the heck are you," Mario shivered. The figure replied in a seductive voice, "You shouldn't have lied to me, Mario."

Mario was startled to realize who stood before him. "Rosalina? How did you get in here, and at this hour? Actually, what did I lie about?"

"You said you loved me, that you were going to kill that slut and inherit her money, so we could live together. Instead, I find out you're boinking her, and got her knocked up."

Mario was profusely sweating, and tried to explain things. "Baby, you don't know the whole story-"

"You bet your overalls I don't know what's going on," Rosalina scoffed, "first you say you love me, and then I hear your girlfriend is having a kid. The fact we haven't even taken the condom off yet, I just can't stand it. But no matter, I've no reason to be mad at Peach anymore, I've made peace with her."

"Peace?" Mario asked the Rosalina still covered in shadow, "you mean you talked with her."

"I had a nice long chat with her that involved a lot of screaming, and her trying to say she wasn't pregnant with your baby, but instead of listening to her words, I decided to see what her body had to say, and I wasn't impressed."

Rosalina tossed something hot and wet on Mario's sheets. He sniffed it with his big fat nose, and determined what it was. It was a fetus. Mario vomitted all over his sheets and the fetus.

"You crazy bitch," he screamed, "you killed her! You cut her open and tore out the fetus! But why?!"

"I'm like you," Rosalina laughed, "I hate liars."

"But you don't understand," Mario panicked, "I'm not even the father! You can't kill me! Peach didn't need to die neither! You can't do this to-" His cries were cut off just like his head; with an ax.

Rosalina laughed with delight as blood spouted everywhere, but it and her hysteria died down. She walked out of the house, and returned twenty minutes later, with the hacked up body of Princess Peach. She pulled a fire flower from her purse, and set the house ablaze. As she let the flames engulf her, and the local fire crew came to put the fire out, little did the town of Smash know, that the Mushroom Kingdom, and the world itself, would soon change forever...

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 2**


	2. Killing Smoke

"Can't believe they're all gone," Samus muttered, surveying the charred remains of Mario's house. Nothing had been left standing after the fire. The mushroom-shaped roof had collapsed on itself, crushing the inhabitants to death if the fire hadn't already. It had taken a fire crew an hour to dig through the rubble to identify the bodies of Mario, Princess Peach, and Rosalina. They weren't exactly sure what had caused the fire, or even why, but if news of Smash's most loved couple breaking up wasn't enough, now everyone had to accept the reality that they were dead.

"Wokka-wokka-wokka, everyone dies," Pac-man wokka'd as he ducked under the police tape, "it's just a natural part of life to be killed."

Samus turned her attention to the grinning yellow ball. "That seems a little insensitive, don't you think? These people are dead and we don't even know why. You've been working on the force for a few years now, shouldn't you know better by now not to be mean like that?"

Pac-man chuckled, "I tend not to dwell on such matters. It's just easier to eat my problems away so the bad stuff don't bother me so much. Speaking of which, you maybe wanna go down to the diner later, have some burgers for dinner?"

"I'll remind you again to stop flirting to your co-worker," Samus scoffed, "and especially not to do it when we're on a case."

"We must not forget you're also a married man," Mr Game & Watch chimed in, as he parachuted over the police tape.

"Ha ha, very funny guys," Pac-Man laughed in a sarcastic manner, "let's go back to the station, we've all the evidence we need for now."

The three investigators walked under the police tape and back to the station.

. . . . .

It was 1am in the morning as the Caped Crusader descended upon the scene of the arson.

"A real shame," Batman mused to himself, "these two gave everyone hope around here."

The dark knight activated his detective vision to survey the crime scene.

"By the looks of things," he said to himself, "the princess was murdered before she arrived here. Not much sense in cutting up the princess's body while leaving Mario with a simple decapitation." He looked at the charred bodies, particularly that of Rosalina.

"Based on the evidence here, Rosalina murdered them both, and set the house on fire. She stayed behind to die, since she had no other reason to live. A murder suicide, then. What a sick town this is. Just glad I'm here to stop the evil like I must. Wait, what's this?"

Batman's detective vision detected an anomoly in the body of Rosalina. He zoomed in with his binocular eyes, and could see what seemed to be tissue scarring in the back of Rosalina's skull. Batman reached into his utility belt, but couldn't find his Bat Scalpel. "Damn, need to talk to Alfred about properly restocking my gear when I get back to the cave." Batman instead pulled out a single Batarang, and used it to make a gentle incision into Rosalina's head. Upon closer inspection, he saw what looked to be some sort of transmitter, no bigger than an American penny. He carefully plucked the transmitter off of Rosalina's brain, little bits of grey matter sloshing off as he did so.

"A transmitter," he pondered, "this might be more than just a simple murder. I'll analyze this further with my equipment in the Batcave." As the detective prepared to place his evidence into a test tube, he heard what sounded like a sharp breeze from from behind him. Odd, since he was an in open area, and there was no wind blowing that evening. Batman heard the flick of a cigarette lighter go off, followed by the metallic clanking of a switchblade opening. "I thought I told you to stay out of my way," the World's Greatest Detective snarled, without looking behind at his uninvited guest.

"Zat was in Gozam," Spy coyly said, "and we are a long way from Gozam right now."

"I don't have time for this, Spy." Batman tilted his face toward Spy. "I have a murder to investigate, and I need to get home so I can analyze this evidence and crack this case."

"Ah, mon ami," Spy flicked his cigarette onto the burnt embers of the destroyed house, "zat is why I am here zis evening. You are investigating the merder, no? You have found evidence for said merder, no? Zat is why I am now here, because you have learned too much."

"I'll be nice tonight," Batman said as he pulled out his grappling hook, "and let you off with your bones unbroken tonight, Spy." Batman prepared to grapple hook away from the scene, when Spy quickly drew his revolver and shot the grapple gun out of Batman's hand. Batman recovered from this sudden attack, and followed up with an attack of his own; a Mr Freeze ice grenade to entrap the French thug. Unfortunately, Spy saw this coming, and tossed a sentry sapper into the air to disable the ice grenade. But Batman had seen _that_ coming, and was using it as a distraction to activate the homing beacon on his utility belt. A bright light came from behind Spy, who turned his head just in time to see the Batmobile (on auto-pilot) come crashing through the rubble of the house from outside and into his own body.

Batman looked at the corpse of Spy. A vile foe had been defeated, but Batman felt nothing but shame. He had just taken someone's life, even I that someone was a lowlife assasin like the Spy. Even worse, the Knight of Gotham had dropped the brain transmitter during the fight, and the Batmobile had run over it. Because of this, Batman had killed a man over nothing. Batman was so devastated at what he'd done, he knew there was only way to pay for the life he'd taken; taking another life, that belonged to himself.

Batman pulled a batarang from his utility belt, stabbed it into the left side of his abdomen, and sliced to the right and fast as he could. His guts spilled onto the charred corpses of Mario and Rosalina, and he fell down onto the hacked remains of Peach. As he lay on the ground, losing consciousness, a heavy electronic sound was heard. Out of thin air, Spy appeared, standing right next to what Batman thought was Spy's corpse.

"Please, Batman," Spy chuckled, "did you really zink your zilly car could kill a professional such as myself? Zis is not ze first time I have had to use my Dead Ringer, and it will certainly not be my last time."

Batman fell into despair, bleeding out, realizing he'd again killed in vain, except the person he'd killed was himself. The Spy laughed at Batman's misfortune.

"Sorry, Caped Crusader," the frenchman gafawed, "but my new employers can not have you ruining zeir plans just yet. Big zings are coming to the city of Smash, Batman. Zings out of ze control of both you and I, zings beyond our mere understanding of ze average citizen. See you in hell, old friend."

The Spy flicked his cigarette on Batman's now dead body, before cloaking himself with his invisibility watch and disappearing as quickly as he had appeared.

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 3**


	3. Three Days After

The Smash Police Department sat together around a big quartz rectangular table. These were the top of the force, the best of the best. They had gathered this fine Thursday evening to discuss a depressing matter at hand. After several minutes of silence, and staring back and forth at one another, one of them finally mustered up the courage to speak aloud about the recent turn of events in Smash. He pulled his top hat from his head and, with a sigh, broke the silence of the room.

"As many of you know," Hershel Layton spoke to the room of investigators staring intently at him, "we recently lost the country's most beloved princess, as well as one of its most celebrated heroes of justice. Something needs to be done about it."

"Well, of course something needs to be done about," said a man wearing glasses and black gloves, "these people just got murdered. It doesn't-"

"OBJECTION!"

Phoenix Wright stood up from his seat, two seats down from the mysterious stranger. "I haven't seen you around these offices before. Who are you and what are you doing here?"

The man took off his sunglasses and replied, "Norman Jayden, FBI. I solved that Origami Killer case a couple years back. I happen to know a thing or two about solving murders. Now if you don't mind shutting the hell up and let me speak, how about you just shut the hell up and let me speak." Wright pouted heavily before returning to his seat. With his antagonizer put in his place, Norman Jayden returned to speaking.

"As I was saying, it doesn't matter if they're famous, infamous, rich, poor, or something in between, there's a mystery to solve."

"That makes sense," the man in trenchcoat, fedora, and white inkblob mask growled. "Somebody killed these people. And somebody knows who did it. And somebody else knows they're the one who did it. Somebody knows why. Somebody knows."

"You make a good point, Rorschach," Layton commented, "but it doesn't change the fact they're dead. What are we missing here? It's simple, like the final piece for a puzzle, but it's all a matter of pinning down where that piece fits."

"If it's only one piece left," the crouched man at the opposite end of the table uttered, "then it's obvious where it should fit." Everyone in the room went silent, and stared with awe and intent on that crouched man at the other side of the table.

"It fits into the only place of the puzzle that's missing pieces. And that single puzzle piece is just one piece in a puzzle of thousands of pieces. All linked together, forming a single, coherent whole. Only when all the pieces are put together, do you get the whole picture, and it all makes sense."

"The hell are you babbling about?" Max Payne coughed as he puffed on his cigarette.

"I'm saying," the crouched man murmured, "they were killed as part of a plot. First they die, and then the bat vigilante was murdered inside the crime scene the day afterwards. I deduce he found something the killer didn't want him to know, so they sent an agent out to murder this man so he couldn't analyze his data further."

Everyone in the room was yelling amongst themselves, confused at this statement from this crouched investigator that had left them puzzled and more confused than before.

"Damn it, man," Professor Layton slammed his fist on the quartz table, "your analogies are too complex even for my tastes, just spit out what you're trying to say already!"

The crouched man stood out of his seat and stood up. "I'm saying that we have a conspiracy on our hands."

The investigators were stunned. What did this man just say? A conspiracy? What was he on about? Max Payne broke the silence with the sound of his opening up his non-prescription pain killers.

"I woke up this morning with a headache," he muttered, "and you're only making it worse."

"OBJECTION," Phoenix Wright pointed at Payne, "this man is one of the smartest I've met, he wouldn't make wild accusations like this unless he was right!"

"Are you really so sure about this," Layton looked at the crouched man, who had sat back down, "because a conspiracy sounds a little silly to me."

"If I was wrong about this," the man said, "I would have known that I was wrong."

"Hrmm," Rorschach muttered, "your fallacy gives me migraines. Have had enough of this meeting. Will search for answers by self if I have to." Rorschach left his seat, walked to the window, and shot his grappling gun to the adjacent building to make his exit.

"You're being paranoid," Norman Jayden looked at the crouching man funny, "I've had my fair share of conspiracies but they were pretty obvious when it was a conspiracy. You should relax a little, lay off the sugar perhaps?" The crouched man looked down at his plate of lemon cake and, after some hesitation, took a bite of it, despite the harsh words of the FBI agent. The rest of the table stood up and walked out of the conference room doorway, all except for Layton.

"Are you sure about this? Do you really believe in some... conspiracy of killing?"

"Why wouldn't I? I'm never wrong. I wouldn't be demanding access to the Vault unless it was important."

"The Vault? But that's the database for every citizen in Smash, as well as the historical records of everything past and present on our planet of Smashworld. Also, you didn't ask me for it."

"Oh, you're right about that. Wait, don't play coy with me, you British bastard. But I won't ask. I'll demand."

Layton lightly chuckled, "Yes, yes, I'll hand you the keys. I personally don't believe in this conspiracy business, but if you truly believe in it, I know you will be the one to uncover it. Here is the keycard to get into the attic, which contains the Vault computer systems and monitoring devices used to access the information."

"Thank you, Professor Layton."

"Thank _you_. And good luck... L."

. . . . .

Bowser paced back and forth in his office. A goomba waddled in, a man in blue bodysuit and shiny red helmet accompanying it.

"Ah," Bowser sighed, "I'm glad you came, old friend."

"It's been many years," Captain Falcon said, "the years haven't been kind on you."

"Yes, it's true. I'm already stressed about having to lead my people, but now my lover and her boyfriend, who was _also_ my best friend whose trust I had betrayed, they are both dead. I worry for my own safety, that someone will come for me next."

"With me working the security detail at the upcoming gala, there's nothing to worry about. Think you'll be alright until then?"

"Perhaps. I've decided not to go to Kong's birthday celebration next week, I'd prefer to get some work done before the gala takes up all my time."

"Well, hope you don't mind if I swing by there if I catch a break from work that day."

"Not a problem. In fact, I'll give you the whole day off that day."

"Thanks, I appreciate it."

Captain Falcon received a call on his cell phone.

"Sorry, Bowser, have to head home very fast. Son got in trouble at school. Being a single parent can be such a pain."

"I hear you, I hear you," Bowser laughed, "I'll talk to you later, Falcon."

"And I'll see you at your gala... Mister President."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 4**

 **Three chapters in so far, I've been trying to write something serious after writing my silly little Skyrim fic. Any feedback you guys have would be appreciated.**


	4. Quickening

The two friends laid together asleep, on the futon. It was a dumpy little apartment in the backwater of the city, but it was home. He opened his eyes to see his friend still asleep next to him. He wanted to say how he felt for his friend, but it this point it was purely a platonic friendship. But more than that, a master/student relationship, which would make it difficult for him to admit his feelings. As Genos pondered these thoughts, he received a text message on his cellphone. He reached for its resting place, a pile of pizza boxes.

"Moshi moshi," Genos yawned, "this is the Saitama residence... Yes?... Now?... So it is serious... All the way out there is simply... I understand."

Genos hung up, and looked at his sleeping sensei.

"Sensei, I've been called out to Smash, there's been a murder to investigate, and I'm the closest S-class in the area. I'll be back in a couple days."

Saitama slowly awoke, drool trickling down his neck.

"Yes, yes, have fun with that. I'll be busy with the race at the Olympics taking place at Yoshi's Island anyway."

Genos nodded at his master, and flew out the window towards Smash, while Saitama ran out the door in the opposite direction, crossing the Pacific Ocean to reach Yoshi's Island.

. . . . .

As Genos flew towards the outskirts of Smash, his radar began to pick up a disturbance in the air. What could it be, he thought to himself. Smash was a generally peaceful city, and there was little incentive for hostiles in the air. That's when Genos saw it out of the corner of his eye: a bundle of missles headed right toward his position.

Genos quickly dodged this barrage, but realized all too late that it was a decoy. A second wave of missles struck him from behind, right in his rear thrusters, and he went spiraling down to Earth. Genos crashed into a skyscraper, breaking through the window on the 26th floor. As he stood up to get his bearings, he found himself face to face with a grinning construction worker.

"Sorry I crashed into your building," Genos apologized, "I was flying over here to investigate a murder when-" Genos noticed a contraption on the observation deck, a machine with dual miniguns and a box-shaped rocket launcher.

"Wait a minute," he realized, "you're the one who shot me down, aren't you?!"

The Engineer chuckled, "Brilliant deduction there, pardner. And I know all about that murder you're investigating. I've been hired to make sure you stay out of this."

Genos held his arm toward the Engineer, his open palm pulsing with destructive energy.

"You're in on this conspiracy? You will answer for your crimes, I'm taking you into the Smash PD."

"Now now, our employer can't just have you meddling in our malicious deeds just yet," Engineer smiled.

"Our?" Genos questioned, before feeling all of his energy being robbed from his being. He could feel a sqaure contraption on his back, seemingly sapping his power from his body. It took all his might to turn his head behind, and caught sight of a suit and balaclava-equipped gentleman, who was lighting himself a cigarette.

"Good marksmanship, Engy," the man smiled at Engineer.

"Nice job disabling our friend here, Spy," Engineer replied back. "Now then, how about we introduce our friend here to a new line of work?" The Engineer produced his trusty wrench, before slamming it into Genos's face.

"Ready to serve your new masters, Genos?" the Spy questioned. Genos looked back, a blank, evil expression on his face.

"Of course, my comrades. With me at your side, our masters will surely achieve their plans now."

The two mercenaries laughed as their enemy had been turned into their puppet. From afar, on another building, the lone ninja observed the shocking happenings.

"L isn't going to like this," Kakashi Hatake mused. "Better report back before I get brainwashed myself."

. . . . .

L sat in his beanbag chair, legs pulled into his chest, as he always did. He was staring into the supercomputer known as the Vault, the most largest database and monitoring system in the Mushroom Kingdom. He typed on the keyboard at a 70 word per minute speed with a single hand, his left hand, while using his other hand to sip on his fresh cup of coffee. After a single slurp, he realized it was to strong, and reached for the sugar cube bowl without taking his eyes off the screen. He felt his hand accidentally knock all the sugar cubes out of the bowl and into his coffee cup.

"Eh, what the hell not," he said to himself as he picked up the sloshing cup overflowing with sugar cubes. He sipped from the cup that was now eighty percent sugar. It was tasty. Savoury. He'd even go as far as saying it was a decent cup of coffee. L continued typing as he heard the attic door on the floor open behind him.

"I'd prefer it if you would knock next time, Mister Hatake," L monotonously said as he continued researching and typing.

"Yes, yes," Kakashi said, his head peaking out from the attic trapdoor, his voice unmuffled by his face mask, "but this is big, L. That cyborg S-class hero from City Z that you called over to investigate the conspiracy? He just got shot out of the sky."

L didn't take his eyes of the screen, but his left hand stopped typing, and his hand holding the coffee had paused inches from reaching his mouth.

Kakashi continued, "and one of their expert hackers just hacked him. Genos is on their side now, the side of evil."

L calmly chugged the rest of his coffee, before standing up and staring directly into Kakashi's single eye non-obscured by his headband.

"Mister Hatake," L said seriously, "we need to track him down before they cause more damage."

"Already done. I hit them with a tracer. Open it on the Vault."

L quickly hunched back into his seat and started typing in the algorithm to activate the tracking tracer on Genos. A ping on the map of the city beeped as it darted across the map. Kakashi and L both gasped as they saw the beacon come to rest on a very particular building.

"My god, so _they're_ involved in this as well?"

"It would seem so. I'm sending an agent to intercept them. If we hurry, this whole conspiracy can be brought down today!" L reached for his cell phone, flipped it open, dialed a frequency into it, and clutched the phone with his thumb and index finger towards his ear.

"This is L. We have a lead you need to investigate. Where? The headquarters of Triforce Enterprises."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 5**


	5. Special Delivery

"I'm standing here," the news reporter said, "at the site of the Nobel Peace Prize acceptance speech for Ganon Dorf. Mr Dorf has been taking this prize in reparation for his efforts to create clean energy for the Mushroom Kingdom, while expanding to countries all over Smashworld. After terrorizing the nation of Hyrule for many years, the desert warrior forsook his wicked ways and utilized the Triforce of Power to make a difference in the world, on for good, peace, and love. Oh! Here he comes now!"

An audience cheered as Ganondorf stepped onto a podium in front of them. He held up his golden Nobel prize as the audience quieted to hear his words.

"My fellow Smash citizens," the big man boomed in a powerful, yet joyful voice, "I thank you for giving me the chance to redeem myself after the horrible deeds I performed years ago, and I thank you for awarding me this. But it's not the award that's important. What's important is that we all love one another, and that Triforce Enterprises uses all of its resources to promote a world of peace and happiness. Thank you, again, for giving me this prize. May we all live in harmony!"

The crowd cheered as Ganondorf bowed his head humbly, before stepping off the podium and entering his limo. The limo drove off as several adoring fans tried to rush him for an autograph.

. . . . .

Ganondorf entered his dark penthouse, turning on one of the kitchen lights. He tossed his award against the wall, chipping the award as well as part of the wall.

"Pathetic," Ganondorf scoffed, "all it took was several years of 'reforming' myself, and selling my image to the masses to get them off my ass. Then, using my remaining power to build up a business empire, one that promotes peace, yet being built off the backs of hidden slave labor, shady business dealings, and ulterior motive. Finally, now that I have the world at my beck and call, nobody can stop my plans, nobo-"

" _Your_ plans?" A voice from the shadows interrupted. Ganondorf looked towards the corner of his penthouse, a shadowy figure standing there.

"Ah, _our_ plans, I meant to say. Forgive me, my brother in arms, I didn't realize you had arrived."

"Don't let your ego get to your head," the shadowy, military-clad general said to the startled Ganondorf, "do not forget your place among the organization. If we are to succeed with our deeds, we are to do it quietly, in the shadows, like you have done well with so far, but you mustn't slip up. See how I just stumbled upon you blurting the plan out just now? Get better."

"But, Sir," Ganondorf whispered, "do you really think we can make our plan work? We've had years of planning, yes, but do you think we can pull off this massive undertaking?"

"OF COURSE!" General M. Bison declared as he stepped out of the shadows. "Nobody can stop us now! After all these years, after meticulous planning, we can have our deeds be done!"

"Yes indeed," Ganondorf laughed, "for we are-"

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Were you expecting company?"

"No."

"Then get the door, it's your apartment after all."

Ganondorf walked to the door and looked through the peephole. Nobody was there. He opened the door and saw nothing. As he prepared to shut the door, he looked down to see a big package. He curiously pulled it into his penthouse.

"Funny, I wasn't expecting any online orders."

"It must be some fan mail to congratulate you for your prize."

Ganondorf reached down to open the cardboard package, when suddenly the top burst open, and out appeared a man in a grey jumpsuit and headband.

"Freeze!" Solid Snake threatened the dastardly duo, "I heard the whole thing, and I'm hear to take you down. Where is he? Where is Genos?"

Ganondorf replied with a flying energy kick. Snake somersaulted out of the way, pulled out his SOCOM pistol, and popped a cap dead center in Ganondorf's head. Snake aimed his pistol at Bison, who looked rather amused at this turn of events.

"He was no use to me, what about you? Where the hell is Genos? What have you done with him?"

"I'm right here."

Snake was startled to hear Genos behind him, as well as the sound of Genos's energy blasters charging up. Snake turned to see Genos aiming his palm right at Snake's face. Genos had a blank expression on his face, a sign that he was under the control of the conspirators' will.

"Genos, listen to me, these people are mind controlling you, you're helping them commit atrocious acts of evil. You need to snap out of it."

"I am fine."

"No you're not. Do not make me shoot you too."

"I will have to shoot you now."

"If that's how it has to be, then I guess I'll have to tAAAAAAAAAAA!"

Snake was shocked from behind by M. Bison's psycho powers. Snake fell to the ground, his strength robbed from his body. Bison stomped his boot triumphantly into Snake's back, crushing a few of his ribs.

"You are just a dog of war," Bison laughed, "what did you think you could do against a group as powerful as ours? Well, you did manage to silence one of my council brethren, Ganondorf will be missed."

"Council?!" Snake managed to moan between coughs of blood, "what council? What are you planning? World domination? The subjugation of man? The destruction of Smashworld?"

"OF COURSE! That is why I must kill you now, so you cannot interfere further. We still have some things to do before our final plan can be put in motion."

"But why? Who the hell ARE you people?"

"I have said enough already."

Bison pushed further into Snake's body, until the boot ripped through and disemboweled Snake. Bison pulled his boot out, his psycho power burning the blood and entrails off. Genos quietly packed the two dead bodies into the cardboard box and left the apartment. Bison then pulled out his satellite phone and made a call.

"Hello?"

"This is General M. Bison. I had instructions from your lover to inform you if anything happened to him. He is dead. Murdered, by a member of the Smash Investigation Force. I understand this is a tough time for you. I will wire you the account information for Ganondorf's resources. He says we can trust you to carry out his will should he pass."

Bison hung up the phone. Elsewhere, Princess Zelda cried at a cafe table, in tears over Ganondorf's passing.

"What's wrong, my wife?" Zelda's husband, Link, asked his crying bride.

"Nothing," Zelda quickly shook off her tears, "nothing at all. Everything will be alright."

Zelda knew that somebody murdered her lover, and she would do anything she could to destroy the ones who did this to her. Her next step was simple: destroy the Smash Investigation Team.

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 6**


	6. Olympic Race, Racing Heartbeat

Saitama stretched his arms as he prepared for the 100 meter dash at the Smash Summer Olympics. He hadn't heard from Genos in at least a couple of days, but this didn't bother him, knowing Genos could handle himself.

"What's the matter, baldy," the red spandex wearing speedster next to him chuckled, "getting scared you're gonna lose? Well it's okay, because you are going to lose whether or not you're scared."

"Give the guy a break, Flash," a blue hedgehog nearby scoffed, "we're all a little anxious about this race. Especially since you'll all have to speed up going against me."

"Speed up?" The Flash couldn't help but gaffaw at this suggestion. "Bitch, I am speed! Literally! As in my power is based around controlling speed!"

"That's enough out of all of you," said Fox McCloud, one of the fastest known fighters in the area, "can we just focus on this race here? We came to compete in the Olympics, not measure each others' dicks."

"Big talk coming from a goddamn furry."

"Now wait just a minute-"

Kakashi rolled his eye back as he watched the contestants quarrel amongst themselves. He'd come to watch the Olympics to take his mind off the string of murders in the city, and seeing more conflict just made him more salty. So salty, he'd lost the motivation to inform Saitama that Genos had been turned by the evil conspirators. As he thought this to himself, the timer went off for the 100 meter dash. The contestants kneeled down, and prepared to dash. As the timer hit zero, there was a sonic boom, and a series of after-images, as the runners burst off the starting line at inhuman speed. For a minute there was nothing but silence. You couldn't even hear the crowd breathing. The after-images remained in place, like the in-between frames of animation in a fighting game. The racers were not at the end of the track, it was as if they'd... vanished. Kakashi, usually cool and collected, was quite disturbed at their disappearance. That's when he noticed the wind had stopped blowing. And then it started to blow again. Except now, it was more like suction. The vaccuum of this wind became more and more powerful, moving towards the finish line, until finally a great boom shook the finish line, and a lightning crackling tear in space opened.

The stadium watched in terror as this hole in the continuum grew bigger and bigger, until a lone figure was spat out. Not one of the racers, but instead someone that looked earily similar to a dinosaur. Kakashi lept from the stands and to the person's aid. He inspected the body, covered in soot and grime, its skin charred from unknown burnings. He turned its face toward the sky, and his eye widened. It was Yoshi.

But that couldn't be. Yoshi had just taken a plane to visit family on Yoshi's Island, and this particular Yoshi looked several decades older. Kakashi removed his headband, and activated his Sharingan to scan the body. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. There was no doubt about it, this was Yoshi, but it shouldn't have been possible, unles...

The old Yoshi jumped up onto its feet, looking in all directions. It looked Kakashi dead in the eye as the crowd continued to view these events from the safety of the stands.

"Where am I? Is this Smash?!"

"Yes, it is, but I need you to tell me who-"

"What year is it?! The year, damn it!"

Kakashi told the Yoshi the year.

"Oh, thank god. Wait, what day?! What month?!"

Kakashi told him the day and month.

"You can't be serious... dammit, I didn't go back far enough, I can't-" Yoshi barfed a thick volley of blood from his mouth and collapsed, Kakashi catching him as he fell. Yoshi looked at Kakashi, with hopeless eyes.

"Please," he coughed, "take the egg, crack it open."

Kakashi noticed an egg exit the bottom of Yoshi's person. Kakashi pulled out a kunai knife to crack the egg open. Inside, he found a singed piece of paper, seemingly a partial of a longer message. Emblazoned on this piece of paper were the letters, 'UMI'.

"Umi? What in blazes is 'umi'?" Kakashi looked back at Yoshi, who was quickly losing consciousness.

"Must... hurry... find... Ma... Mario..."

Kakashi was stunned. He stroked the Yoshi's eyes to close its eyelids, and walked over to the medical team standing by in shock. "You guys are doctors right, well do something about the body over there!" The doctors recollected themselves and ran over to attend to the corpse.

Kakashi was confused. What was with that wormhole that opened? Where did Sonic, Saitama, Flash, and Fox disappear to? What was 'umi'? Who was this mysterious Yoshi, and why did he mention Mario? There was no point in trying to get Mario. After all, Mario was dead. What could this all mean?

. . . . .

Daisy was having a very strange evening. First she got called up for escort with a guy named Genos, who turned out to be some weird robot man, and then she was paid extra to go to a birthday party for the celebrity, Donkey Kong. Her instructions were to go there and have a good time, and to keep an eye out for President Bowser.

Daisy walked into the venue, the front yard of Luigi's Mansion. All around her, ghosts floated around, handing drinks out to the guests. On top of the water fountain lay a drunk Donkey Kong, the birthday boy passed out from bananna beer. He was going to be no fun, Daisy thought to herself, so she decided to mingle with the handsome, armored man in the corner of the garden. The man glanced at Daisy a bit, but went back to looking at his cell phone.

"Hey there, muscley man," Daisy purred at Captain Falcon, "you look like you could use some company."

"Ma'am, please don't bother me, I work for the president of the Mushroom Kingdom, and I've had a pretty stressful week working security for his upcoming gala."

"You know Bowser personally? You must get around. Where is the big turtle anyway?"

"He's stressed knowing that his best friend was murdered recently, so naturally he wanted to stay home tonight."

"Oh, that's right, Mario, I... I'm so sorry, it had slipped my mind."

"No offense taken, ma'am. Though you should be warned I'm still loyal to my wife, even if she did die two years ago, so there won't be any funny business between us tonight."

"No no, that's okay, you see I-"

. . . . .

Pac-man picked up the remains of Daisy's index finger. He surveyed the center of the blast, the mangled bodies of her, Captain Falcon, Diddy Kong, and sadly the birthday boy, Donkey Kong. Several other guests had been caught in the explosion, several dozen more alive but not unscathed.

"It don't make sense," the yellow ball said to his partner, Samus, "how can people just, you know, explode?"

"I wish I knew," she sighed, but I think we'll know soon.

From far away, a fearsome group of four watched through a hidden camera at the events that had unfolded. Even Genos, rendered emotionless in his state of brainwashing, couldn't help smiling at what they'd done.

"Now that was some beauty of a bomb there, Engineer," the Demoman laughed as he poured booze down his esophogus.

"I can't take all the credit, you were the one that helped me design it, after all."

"Very sneaky indeed, my friends," the Spy lit himself a third cigarette, "who would ever suspect implanting ze bomb into Genos's semen, then having him make love to that call girl Daisy, then have her go to ze party to blow herself up."

"A shame the president wasn't there," Genos smiled, "but we still managed to kill several of Bowser's must trusted friends and allies."

"Yes, phase one is now complete," M. Bison laughed as he walked into the surveillance room everyone was sitting in, "and our next step is to wreck the upcoming gala."

"But sir," the Spy asked, "what about zat strange wormhole that opened at the Olympics earlier today? Is there something bigger happening zat could ruin your plan?"

"It's probably nothing," Bison scoffed, "we just need to ensure Bowser actually dies at his gala next week. How you do it, that's up to you."

The Spy flicked his cigarettes out of his mouth, "Oh, I think I know someone perfect for ze job..."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 7**


	7. No More

There was not a breeze of wind in the Outback. Barely a movement on the desert sand. The Sniper looked down the scope of his rifle, surveyed his target. A shame they'd have to lose their life like this, but Sniper didn't care. He'd been killing for years, just part of the job. This poor sucker was another nameless, faceless victim to add to his list of confirmed kills. It used to bring the Sniper joy to make holes in peoples' heads, but those years were long past. He did it now not because he wanted to, but because he needed to survive. He pulled the trigger. His target went down. Sniper sighed, no sense of satisfaction from the kill, only pity for his victim. He stood up from his crouched position, walked for several minutes to his target that he'd shot from a mile away, and picked it up by its tail. "Kangaroo again," he sighed, "bloody hell."

He dragged the marsupial's carcass back to his trailer several miles away, thinking back on his mercenary days of years past. I was the best marksman around, he thought to himself, nobody fucked with me. I had my team's back, and they had mine. Hell, I worked with them long enough to call them my friends. Even if they were some bloody Bostonian, a pyromaniac, a fake war veteran, a mad scientist, a fat Russian, a drunk Scotsman, a psycotic surgeon, and a backstabbing French fuck, they were still my mates.

Sniper looked back on these fond memories as he came upon his trailer. As the sun set behind him, it became easier for him to see the artificial source of light next to his trailer. That light belonged to the lighter, which was in the process of lighting a cigarette, which was being held by a man in a suit and ski mask.

"Bonjour, my old friend."

"Piss off, you tosser. The hell are you doing at my trailer? How did you even find me?"

"I am a spy, it is my job to gazer intelligence. It's nice to see you too, how have you been?"

Sniper dropped his game and pulled an MP-40 from its holster. "You've no business with me, you know I gave up that life of killing a long time ago."

Spy flicked his cigarette to the ground. "You have no right to judge us like zat. We were comrades in arms, trotting the globe for money and... well, just money actually. But you abandoned us. You abandoned me."

"I abandoned you, after _you_ abandoned _me_ for Scout's mum!"

"That was a mistake and you know I have to live with that for ze rest of my life, so don't get all high and mighty on me, you Australian piece of ass!"

"Fuck you, you frog leg eating fucker!"

Spy pulled out his Ambassador revolver, but Sniper threw his MP-40 at Spy to knock it out of his hand. Sniper followed this up by unsheathing his kukri, and slashed at Spy's neck. Spy managed to deflect this with the blade of his balisong. The two warriors locked blades, and even more intensely locked onto each others stare. After several intense moments of locking blades, they slowly locked lips. After several more frustrating minutes, they released from their embrace, the Sniper gasping for air, despite not wanting to let go so easily.

"Your breath tastes smokier than I remember."

"You can get another taste of it later if you play nice."

"So, why are you here anyway?"

. . . . .

Sniper took a long sip of his drink. He was completely stunned at what Spy had told him. He hadn't even realized he'd actually been drinking his jarate, he was just so blown away at the proposition Spy's employers had given him.

"You really want me to kill Bowser. THE Bowser. The president. The president of the Mushroom Kingdom. Damn. And I thought Pyro was crazy."

"You know what's crazier? Ze amount of money zey will pay me and ze others of it is a successful hit. Zat is why I asked them to let me come for you, because I know you are ze one for ze job."

Sniper was unsure of what to do. He needed the money, it would surely secure a better future for himself than living in a deadbeat trailer for another 30 years. But he'd been done with killing human beings for a while. Granted, Bowser was technically a giant turtle dragon monster, but it was the principle that still applied to the situation.

"I understand if zis job makes you uncomfortable, Sniper," Spy lit himself a cigarette, "but if it's not being done for yourself, then have it be done for me."

Sniper stared at the floor for several seconds, before shutting his eyes and saying, "fine, I'll take the job up. You wanker." He smiled a little as he said this.

The two men clinked their drinks together as they colluded their villainous plan.

. . . . .

L continued examining the note given to him by Kakashi. What was "UMI"? As he pondered this, he heard a knock at the door.

"What is it? I am very busy."

L heard the door open behind him, and what sounded like squeaky cleats rubbed against the floor as a figure approached him from behind.

"Hey there pal," the young man said in a distinct Boston accent that made L spin around in shock, "I'm pretty sure you know who I am and who I've worked for, so just gimme a sec to explAGH!"

The Scout was interupted with a judo kick to the face by L. Scout backflipped away before producing his bat and pistol in both hands. As L stared intently at the merc's weapons and prepared to dodge any bullets that came his way, he was shocked to see a sight he thought he'd never see from a mercenary; Scout ejected the magazine from his pistol, popped the round in the chamber, and dropped the gun to the floor, before dropping his bat as well.

"Freakin' A, I'm trying to explain myself here and help!"

"Oh, right. I'm sure you can understand if I was a little cautious seeing a RED mercenary after seeing a few of your associates get involved with several murders over the past few weeks."

"Yeah yeah, I know all about it, and I have blood on my hands too, which is why I'm here, to explain it all to you, who we're working for, what they're planning, and why they want to do it."

L pondered this for a moment before sitting back in his seat, legs squeezed to his chest like normal.

"Tell me why I should believe you've suddenly switched sides, and maybe I'll hear you out."

Scout breather a sigh of relief, sat on the edge of the council room desk, and looked at L's curious eyes. "Okay you have a point. You need me to explain how I ended up switching back to the good guys? Well, have I got a story to tell you..."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 8**


	8. Illumination

"You really think this is necessary?"

"Yes yes, dumkoff," Medic moaned at Scout, as he prepared his Medigun for an operation, "In order for our employer's plan to vork, ve need to capture and indoctrinate as many of Smash's greatest warriors to our side. By using my medigun's Ubercharge, tampered with some of Bison's Psycho Power, we can convert any patients we receive to his cause."

"Yeah, but is what we're doing really worth the money? People are being put in danger because of what we're doing."

"Scout, my boy, this is more than about money!"

"It is?"  
"Of course it is! I'm getting so many more patients to experiment on! I am living the dream, as they say!"

Scout sighed depressingly. "Well, if that's what you think. I'm going to go to the lobby, see if we have any potential candidates for your experiment."

Scout walked out of the operating room, took the elevator down, and looked into the lobby. There was only one person in the waiting room today, a small boy with a swollen eye. Scout immediately knew who this was, but had to play it cool to drop the boy's guard.

"Hey there, name's Scout. The hell happened to a little guy like you?"

The boy looked up. He managed a small smile, despite the obvious pain he was feeling from his injury. "The name's Ness. I was playing baseball with my friend Lucas, when a pop fly came down and smashed my face in."

"Aw man, that sucks. Well, I guess that's why this city is called Smash, right?"

The two had a good chuckle out of that joke for a while. There was an awkward silence for a minute before Scout mustered the courage to break the silence and ask Ness, "you really like baseball, eh slugger?"

"Yeah, baseball is a very fun sport. It encourages precision, as well as a fast running speed."

"Baseball bats and running are a bit of a..." Scout paused to come up with the right phrase, "hobby of mine." Scout smiled on the outside, but deep in the recesses of his mind he was having horrifying nightmares of a job gone horribly wrong. It was a job where he and the rest of his RED mercenaries were forced to fight doppelgangers hired by the rival company BLU, and Scout was forced to bring his bat down on a BLU mercenary that looked almost exactly like him. The terror had left an impression on him, and he hadn't truly been at peace since that day. Scout realized now that this was just an innocent boy who loved the play of baseball. He had no right to take that joy away, and no right to mind control him into serving an evil plot.

"Look kid, I'm gonna do you a favor right now and tell you this hospital has very shitty service. You're better off going to the local clinic or something. Go home to your dad, tell him you love him, keep up that love of baseball for me, alright?"

Ness was a little confused, but he nodded and walked out of the building. Scout had made many bad choices in his life, but it was only now that he'd realized that the people he was working for were truly evil. It was past the time of redemption, but Scout could still begin trying to make a little difference in the world, for the betterment of it all.

Scout entered the operating room, baseball bat in hand. The Medic was making final adjustments to his medigun when he noticed his visitor.

"Vat are you doing? Vere you not going to bring in ze new patient?"

"Don't worry about finding a patient," Scout glared, "when you're about to become one."

Medic didn't have time to question this as Scout slammed his aluminum weapon into Medic's face. It hit with enough force to tear off a quarter of the top of his skull right off. Medic hit the floor, blood and his brains spilling out of the opening Scout had made in his skull. Scout proceeded to exit the building and shoot the fire extinguisher on the wall, which exploded. As the fire spread, Scout walked down the street and toward the headquarters of the Smash Police Department. He'd heard an ace detective known as L was leading an investigation against Bison and his conspirators, and Scout aimed to help L tear it all down...

. . . . .

"And that's the end of my story," Scout gasped for breath after relaying all that information to L, who stared at the ceiling in deep thought over the turn of events, while sipping his sugar-filled cup of green tea.

"This has been... enlightening. What can you tell me about this?" L handed Scout a torn piece of paper. "One of my agents found this on a Yoshi who had appeared from the space-time wormhole at the Olympics race recently. All it says is 'UMI', but we have reason to believe it's only a fraction of a bigger whole. What do you suppose it is."

Scout looked at L with dread in his eyes. "It's a lot bigger than you would have expected, or even imagined. It really is them that's behind it."

"Who is behind it?"

"I couldn't believe it myself when I found out who I was working for, but now I do know, and I'm telling you right now that we need to act quickly before the whole world is destroyed."

"What are you talking about? What the hell is 'UMI'?"

"'UMI' is only a fraction of the name of who we worked for. Your dinosaur friend must have had a note with the full name, but it got partially digested when he ate the message for you guys for safe-keeping, he probably didn't expect his message to get ruined."

"For fuck's sake, you damn Boston bastard," L slammed his cup down on the floor, shattering the fine china into little pieces, "what the fuck is this 'UMI', _who_ are they?"

"L," Scout looked at him with despair, "isn't it obvious?"

L was stunned. He dropped his cup of tea on the ground, the fine china shattering into tiny pieces. Without another words, he picked up his cellphone and called Kakashi.

"Mr Hatake? It's me. We've figured it out. We should have seen it before. It's bigger than Bison, and President Bowser is in real danger right now. Run to the gala right now! Protect the president! We need to save him from-"

. . . . .

A scream. A woman's scream. A woman's scream from two hundred yards away, from inside the White House ball room. The president had been shot straight through the medulla and out the cerebral cortex. Sniper could see it from outside, and knew that this was all his fault. He sighed as he packed up his sniper rifle, pulled out his kukri, and committed seppuku. He was finished. The whole world was about to go to hell for what he did, and he felt that he deserved to have a VIP seat straight there.

No.

Not yet.

There was one last thing he needed to do.

Sniper pulled out his phone, and called his local drug dealer.

"Is this for real, Mundy? This is a hefty order you're pulling here, and why so suddenly?"

"You listen to me, you bloody wanker. I don't got much time left, I've gone and-" Sniper was interupted by the blood that vomited out of his mouth. Fuck, he thought, dying really was painful.

"J-just listen, alright? I need those mushrooms delivered right now. You can take everything out of my account, here's the coordinates to my stash." Sniper texted his dealer the coordinates to the money he'd earned from the job, enough for a vain man to attain everything he needed to be set for life, _and then some_.

"Wow, this must be serious, Mundy. Alright, I get them sent right now and-... huh? You want me to find who again? Luigi? That guy's famous or something, right? Why would he-... yeah yeah, I'll do it. You satisfied? Hello? Mundy? Sniper? Are you still there?"

Sniper could no longer respond, as he'd lost consciousness from blood loss. There was still hope for the world. A final chance. Maybe. Sniper had made one final act of defiance against evil, in the hopes the world could fight back and defeat them. Yes. Someday, maybe, the world could put an end to their plans. The villainy of them. The Illuminati.

. . . . .

He awoke in darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he saw a rock. No, concrete. A wall? No, he was lying down, it was a concrete ceiling. A parking lot ceiling? No, it was a garage. He was laying on a cold concrete floor and staring up at the ceiling. He looked down. He had feet. He had a fat belly. He noticed at his feet were two big green marshmallows. Hang on, these weren't marshmallows, they looked more like mushrooms. He turned his head all around, there were five mushrooms around his body in total, spaced evenly apart around him, like the points on a pentagon. Or was it more like a pentagram. As he pondered this, he noticed two figures looking down at him. One looked like a giant lizard, like a dinosaur.

Yoshi.

Wait, how did he know this name? Had they met before? Friends? Or maybe they were enemies. He couldn't think straight. He could see another person, an older looking man with a bushy moustache, black with shades of grey. The man wore a tattered green jacket, and a molding set of overalls on top.

"It took us a long time, but he's finally awake."

"Yes. Twenty years we've cowered away as the Illuminati destroyed our planet, but at last we have him back in the land of the living. If Sniper hadn't had his change of heart all those years ago, I don't think we'd have had a chance to save the world, let alone see this big guy again."

He spoke towards the teary-eyed, green-clothed man, his first words in twenty years, with what little strength he had, "What's going on here? Mama mia, my head..."

His head ached, like a bad hangover. The green-clothed man knelt down and held his hand with his own, tears of joy erupting from his eyes and a hopeful smile spreading on his face.

"I know you have a lot of questions," Luigi said, "but we'll catch you up in good time. For now, I just want to say it's good to see you again. Welcome back to the land of the living... big bro."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 9**


	9. Rise, Fall, Redemption

_After the death of President Bowser, the Mushroom Kingdom went into a state of lawlessness. Smash was made into a police state to control the panicing populace, but it wasn't enough to stop radical terrorists from breaking into the local armory, stealing thousands of fire flowers, sticky bombs, and enough super scopes to level a small country. When the metal box supplies ran out, the police could no longer resist the onslaught of the crazies._

 _When the final lawman fell, M. Bison and his council of Illuminati emerged from the ashes to seize control. Smash fell in a matter of days, before the Illuminati went on to other neighboring cities. New Pork City was the next to go, followed by Rogueport and Dreamland. The Mushroom Kingdom collapsed within a week. Hyrule fell soon after, followed by Skyloft._

 _As the world went to hell, and the Illuminati tightened their grip on the world, the survivors began to lose hope. All the legendary heroes, those known as the Super Smash Bros, had either died, been mind-controlled into serving the Illuminati, or had become too chickenshit to fight back. All seemed lost._

 _But there was one final hope. A final chance humanity had that a hero would return. Long thought dead, he could be ressurected under the right conditions. His body was taken from his grave, and placed on a Star pentagram. On each point of the pentagram, a 1-Up shroom was placed. Such consumables were all but illegal in the world due to their potent effects, but such desperate times called for drastic measures. A ritual was performed, one that would take precisely twenty years to complete. The hero's cells and memories were reconstructed with what little remains were found of his body at death, and although it took him so long to come back, he was now back, to save us all..._

"... which is why you are here now, Mario," the old Australian man spoke with a wheeze from his camping chair, inside the remains of Hyrule Temple. Mario had been brought here by an aged Yoshi and Luigi. The two of them, as Mario's closest friends, had taken it upon themselves to keep watch over the ritual, in order to keep the 20-year process from being tampered with. The Sniper had survived his suicide attempt, and had taken up the role of a monk to guide Yoshi and Luigi in this apocalyptic future, as a way to ensure a future, as well as to make up for his sins.

Mario still couldn't believe what happened. He'd been sat down with Sniper, to be caught up on what had happened, while Luigi and Yoshi ate a meal in silence. The last thing he remembered was getting eviscerated by Princess Rosalina, and now 20 years had suddenly passed, and he was supposed to... take it for what it was?

"I just don't get it," he held his head trying to process all the information, "everyone is dead, and I'm supposed to undo that? People are killed when they die, how can I change any of that?"

"You came back to life, didn't you? And besides, that's why we have the time travel technology ready to send you back, to undo what has been done," Sniper looked down in shame. "to undo what _I_ have done."

"That's another thing I don't get, you bastard, you're the one that killed my best friend Bowser, you're the one who let the world be destroyed and let the Illuminati rise to power? Why the fuck should I take orders from you?!"

Sniper patted his stomach. "I tried killing myself right afterwards, but it would seem God won't let me die until I make good on the life I've been granted. Besides, who do you think had the resources to revive you?"

Mario calmed down. "Damn, you're right, aren't you? But then again, why'd you do any of this?"

"Mario, I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. My biggest was that day 20 years ago. I was young, lost, I was in a vulnerable state. They manipulated me into doing it, even when I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. Which is why, when I send you back to the past, you have to kill me, Mario."

Mario gasped. Yoshi and Luigi dropped the cans of baked beans they were eating in shock.

"But Master Mundy," Luigi croaked, "he can't do that! He mustn't! You've taught us so much in these twenty years of solitude!"

"I am sorry, friend," Sniper smiled melancholically, "but it is a necessary sacrifice in order to stop the Illuminati and save the world. Now then, my friend Dr Freeman is making the final adjustments to his teleportation technology, and he will be sending you to the past, at the gala, twenty years ago. Yoshi will be coming with you."

Mario hopped on top of Yoshi, who buckled under Mario's weight a little.

"Careful, Mario, I'm not as young as I used to be! Ha ha!"

Mario smiled nostalgically at the good times they'd had together. As Gordon Freeman prepared to activate the device, a noise was heard. A splat. Followed by the sound of a distant gunshot. Followed by Freeman falling on the floor from his bullet wound. Followed by the walls getting kicked down by a green armored warrior.

"This is one-one-seven to Bison. Intel was correct, I have found Mario. And just in time, he was about to travel back in time and ruin our plans."

"Chief!" Sniper pulled out his MP-40 and aimed it at the 7-foot tall super soldier. "You sold us out! How could you betray humanity like this? We still had a way to stop the Illuminati, we had a chance to keep fighting!"

"That's right," Master Chief said, "and now that the Illuminati have enlightened me with their ways, I'm helping them finish this fight."

He raised up his MA5 assault rifle, but Mario managed to pull out his F.L.U.D.D. unit to project a heavy stream of water and knock the rifle out of Chief's hands. The bullets Chief meant to have go into Mario sprayed all over the place, out of control, until Mario took a great leap, stomping onto and caving in Chief's head into his body. Mario breathed with a sigh of relief, looked back behind him, and realized the bullets intended for him had instead gone into Yoshi and Sniper.

"It's okay," Yoshi gasped, "I have a few minutes left. I've eaten a message for safekeeping, to tell the world it's the Illuminati. I'll go into the past ahead of you. See you on the other side."

Yoshi limped toward the teleport pad, and was energized through the space time continuum. Mario, meanwhile, ran to Sniper's side.

"It's alright, Mario. I know you are the hero we need and deserve. Save Smash. Save Bowser. Save the Mushroom Kingdom. Save... save... sa... su..." Sniper couldn't finish as he blacked out from blood loss. Mario decided that enough was enough, and the time was now for him to be a hero. He stepped into the teleport pad, and into the unknown.

. . . . .

Sniper prepared to pull the trigger on his sniper rifle. He knew there was no going back from. There was no reason for him to do it, but also no reason for him not to do it. He sighed, exhaled slowly to steady his aim, and-...

"Stop right there, paisano." A voice from behind Sniper stopped him from making a mistake he would regret. Sniper turned his head and was taken aback at who he saw.

"Crikey... Mario? B-but... you're dead? No, it doesn't matter, I've got to finish what I started, there's no going back now."

"No, Sniper," Mario held out his hand compassionately, "I know there's still good in you. You know that what you're doing is wrong, you're just lost, and need the guidance to the right path; the path of good. This world could use more people like you, I know, I've seen the future, even someone who would commit such an act like you're about to do can find peace."

"Future? Save the queen, what in blazes are you talking about? Future? Inner peace? I'm none of those things, I-"

"You want a way out of this violent life of evil, right? Well, you can start by not assassinating the president."

Sniper looked down at his kukri on the ground, pondering the moves he would have to pull off in order to defeat a powerful foe like Mario. He then looked at the rifle in his hands and could see all the bad he was about to cast on the world. No, he had to stop now. Mario was right about him. He was a sick fuck who was killing for money, and now was the time to prove he was still worth a damn. And with that, Sniper dropped his rifle on the ground.

"I better not regret this," Sniper muttered.

"Believe me," Mario said, "you won't."

"Well, _I_ for one believe he _will_ regret his decision!" A third voice boomed, and an electronic uncloaking sound played as Spy emerged from the shadows.

"Sniper, how could you give up so easily? You were supposed to help our masters usher in a new age, and here you are switching back to the pansy side!"

" _Our_ masters? Sorry mate, but _your_ masters can go pike off a wallaby for all I care."

"Spy," Mario went into a fighting stance, "you won't want to do this. The Illuminati are going to destroy the planet if Bowser dies. All you're doing is bringing death to yourself with this."

"Don't try and woo me wiz your silly ways, mon aumie," Spy scoffed, "now prepare to die!"

"Before that happens," Mario's hand began to fill with heat, "you look like you could have a cigarette break. Why don't I give you a light?" He proceeded to launch a fireball at Spy's face, which was lit on fire from said fireball.

"Mon dieu!" Spy screamed as he quickly burned and fell off the building they were standing on, plummeting to his death. With the threat dealt with, the two heroes breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well, my former best friend is dead, Bowser's safe for now, and the Illuminati plans to destroy the world if we don't do something. Got a plan?"

"You know it, I wouldn't be the face of Nintendo if I didn't. Our next step: take the fight to them."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 10**


	10. Smash Ball: Reservoir Bros

Bowser sat in the oval office, flabbergasted at what he was experiencing. He just couldn't believe what he was seeing; his best friend Mario was standing if front of his desk, alive and well, despite having been murdered several weeks earlier. He also couldn't believe the things Mario had spent the last twenty minutes telling him about; a failed assassination attempt? The Illuminati? Time travel from the future? None of this made any sense, and Bowser made it very clear that there was no way Mario could convince him so easily.

"Listen now, you fake," Bowser growled, "you think it's so funny for you to come into my office, insulting the memory of my late friend by posing as his likeness, and then telling me that some Illuminati is behind all these murders? I've been on the edge long enough, what with many of my close friends being among the murder victims, but now you're telling me some secret society is plotting to destroy the world?"

"Um," Mario scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "pretty much. Now I know you're going to say that I'm crazy-"

"No," Bowser interupted, to Mario's shock, "I don't think you're crazy."

"Wait, really? Well that's a relief, now I'm going to need to borrow the Smash Ball so we can-"

"I was going to say you're _fucking_ crazy," Bowser stood up from his chair, "but now I'm going to say you're a fucking moron for thinking I would just hand you the Smash Ball! You've no right to demand such a weapon from me, and you've no right to disrespect Mario by pretending to be him. Get the fuck out of my office, or I'll be seeing you in court!"

Mario opened his mouth to say something, but knew there was no convincing Bowser otherwise. Bowser always was a stubborn bastard, but Mario also knew that Bowser was also very stressed with everything that had been happening lately. He couldn't blame the poor guy for being a little paranoid. With a depressed sigh, Mario turned a hundred eighty degrees and walked out of the White House. He needed that Smash Ball in order to destroy the Illuminati, but he'd have to get it the hard way...

. . . . .

The Halberd cruised through the air at a fair pace. Fast enough to get to its destination, but slowly enough for its crew to enjoy the ride. To the civilians on the ground, it looked like a simple retired warship making its tour, but the inside of the ship was a different story. The medical ward was filled with a number of kidnapped Smash Bros, their brains being re-purposed for a greater purpose. Although a slower process now, due to the untimely death of the Medic, it was still being done to further brainwash anyone unlucky enough to end up in there. On other parts of the ship were crewmates keeping an eye on the radar, piloting the airship out of the way of any obtrusive things like birds and meteors, and its captain, Meta Knight, keeping an eye on the crew to ensure they were giving their 110% for their masters. Yes, their masters, for whom this ship was the headquarters of: The Illuminati.

In the very heart of the ship was the council chambers, in which was a small table carved from the Great Deku Tree itself. Seated at this table were a number of colluding members, the highest ranking of the organization, who had gathered here from their various homelands from the furthest ends of the earth, all to discuss a very pressing matter at hand: Mario, it would seem, was alive.

The meeting began as calmly as it could in a situation such as this: with General M. Bison grabbing the head of Revolver Ocelot and slamming his face into the edge of the table.

"AGH!" Ocelot clutched his face as blood trickled out of his cracked skull. "That hurt quite a bit, you're pretty good! Just what I'd expect from a man who acts as our boss."

"Of course!" M. Bison held his chin up high and cast his eyes at his fellow Illuminati, who seemed somewhat disinterested in the violence that had just unfolded, as though this was a commonplace whenever something was screwed up in their plans. "I told you to hire the best assassins we could find to make sure Mario died several weeks ago, and low and behold, he's alive now! Is there nothing useful you can do for us, you Russian wannabe-American?!"

"Hey hey there's no need to hurt someone when they didn't do anything wrong," the short, hoodie-wearing skeleton smiled, "so don't have a cow, Bison." Sans winked at the rest of the council, who all burst out laughing at his joke. Bison wanted to destroy Sans's soul for that, but even he couldn't help smiling a little at the joke. It helped Bison regain his composure a little before readdressing his fellow members.

"I apologize for this burst of anger I expressed. I do, really. However, we must all acknowledge that Mario has somehow returned to life, and that he may very well be the key to foiling our plans. Does anyone have any suggestions for what to do about him?" Bison looked at his council. Dr Gendo Ikari kept his fingers in front of his face, merely observing the happenings. Wolf tapped his claws on the table, trying to think of a good plan. King Dedede was checking his phone and not paying attention to what was going on. Finally, Wario stood up from his seat.

"Wa! I have a plan," he laughed as the council looked at him, appalled that he was actually contributing to the plan for once. "What we got to go and do is take the Smash Ball from the White House! With it in our possession, no nation would stand against us, and certainly not Mario or any of his ragtag gang of Smash Bros."

"It seems your dedication to our goals has finally overshadowed your love of money," quipped Mewtwo. "I will follow this plan. What say the rest of you?"

"I will go along with this plan, just as the Dead Sea Scrolls foretell," said Gendo.

"This is a wonderful idea!" Dedede bellowed.

"Sounds good to me, if everyone else is one board." Wolf snarled maliciously.

"Of course!" Bison said triumphantly.

"Mario and his gang are gonna have a bad time." Sans smiled without emotion.

With a course set for Smash, the Illuminati headed for the White House.

. . . . .

"Alright guys," Mario said to his friends, "I tried playing nice with Bowser to get the Smash Ball so we can stop the Illuminati, but he's still not buying that I'm still alive. That's why I've gathered you all here. We're going to raid the White House and steal the Smash Ball."

Everyone Mario could contact had gathered at the abandoned Wii Fit Studio. They'd come there with the intention of finding out why Mario had contacted them, despite being a dead man. What they were surprised to see was a very much alive Mario, and that he was now asking them to break into a federal building for a very dangerous superweapon.

"Hold one just a minute," Star Fox spoke up, "Mario is dead. The only reason I'm even here right now is because I wanted to kick the ass of whoever thought it was funny to pretend to be him. It turns out that either all of you had the same idea as me, or maybe you were all stupid enough to believe Mario was still alive."

"Calm down, Fox," Sniper chirped from across the room as he cleaned his sniper rifle, "I couldn't believe it either, but he knew all this stuff about the Illuminati, he told me everything that would be happening, we just need to put our faith in Mario."

"You're one to talk," Zero Suit Samus piped in, "cause I hear you were colluding with the Illuminati. I'm arresting your ass as soon as I've figured out what's going on here. And the same applies to you, you Mario impostor."

"Calm down, Samus," Luigi nervously flapped his hands in a waving motion, "I couldn't believe it either, but it _has_ to be my brother. It's astounding to see him again, I know, but he's really him, I just know it in my heart!"

Mario patted his younger brother's shoulder assuringly. "Thanks, Weegee. I knew I could count on you to back me up. After all, you spent twenty years protecting me while I came back to life." Luigi looked confused. "Or, at the very least, you did so in another time." Mario took his hand off Luigi, coughed nervously, before putting his hands down on the TV tray containing the blueprints to the White House.

"Listen everyone," he looked at the curious gathering before him, "you are all on edge, I understand. I was murdered, others were murdered, and then I called you all together to talk about the Illuminati and stealing from the president. It's only natural you'd distrust me. But I'm doing this right now because you're the only ones I believe would be able to pull it off. More than that, you're the only ones I can trust right now. And even more than that," he looked longingly into the eyes of everyone in the room, "you're my friends. And this is what friends do, right? They help each other out."

"Yeah," Scout laughed, "friends help each other steal weapons of mass destruction from the President of the Mushroom Kingdom." The room filled with laughter. They knew what they were getting into could get them all in trouble, but that quip was enough to lighten the mood.

"Heh heh, yeah," Mario said, "I guess that is what friends do. So, my friends. Want to help me rob the White House?"

"I'm with you Mario!"

"You bet your ass!"  
"We're all in this to the end!"

"World's gonna end if we don't, right?"

"Let's go get them!"

"Alright, calm down everyone, let me discuss the plan..."

 _The White House is protected from all sides 24/7, and with conspiracy going around security has been boosted. And because I went around demanding the Smash Ball, security's even tighter now. The lawn is covered in pitfalls, and hotheads patrol the air ducts to kill rats and potential intruders. The the pipe network underground is too complex, and there's too big a risk of ending up in a lava pit._

 _There is a weak link in Bowser's security, and that's his love of ancient treasures. I saw on the news recently that a set of seven Crystal Stars for the Thousand Year Door have been found, and Bowser would be eager to take them into his collection. What we will be doing is intercepting the guys who dug them up, then dress up as them. This team will consist of Fox, Scout, and Sniper. They will deliver a crate containing the Crystal Stars to the White House. Yoshi, playing the part of a rich man trying to gain some political footing, will take the crate inside and help Bowser unpack it. Little will he know, I and several others, those being Luigi, Samus, Link, and Pikachu, will emerge from the box to knock out Bowser and any staff in the room._

 _Here comes the hard part. The oval office contains a biometrics scanner that will only open to the president of the Mushroom Kingdom, and that person is Bowser. We will take his unconscious body, put him in the scanner, and unlock the vault leading to the Smash Ball, which is accessed via a pipe going several hundred feet underground. We will have Pac-Man consume a couple power pellets and devour and hotheads that get in the way, while Samus will provide cover fire to any Bullet Bills flying around. Once we reach the chamber with the Smash Ball itself, we'll need to make a leap thirty feet in the air to grab it from its anti-gravity matrix. Luigi will make the jump, as he's the highest jumper._

 _By the time we have the Smash Ball in our possession, the Smash SWAT will likely be converging on us. It's at this point that Sniper will begin providing covering fire from the roof tops, using tranquilizer darts to non-lethally deal with the SWAT. Once the coast is clear, we will make our way across the White House lawn, the gooey bombs and pitfalls having been disarmed by Slippy, and our getaway drivers / fire support will consist of the professional robbers calling themselves the Payday gang. Once we've made our escape, we all rendezvous at the back entrance to the Pictochat._

"... and that's our plan. Any questions?"

The room was silent, but overall everyone seemed ready to commit.

"As long as we're getting paid, we have your back." The clown-mask wearing criminal called Hoxton spoke up.

"We'll follow you into hell and back, Mario," Fox pumped his chest with his fist, "you can count on us to help you stop these Illuminati bastards."

Lucario was the only one who didn't seem amused with this plan. "I don't know, it just seems too elaborate of a plan, are you sure about this, Mario?"

"Absolutely."

"I don't believe any of this is possible. You want to rob the White House and... well, I guess we'll have to just wait and see if this crazy plan of yours will actually work..."

 **TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 11**


	11. The Fall of Mario

The escape van, riddled with bullets, pulled into the alley. The alley was your typical dark, dank alley full of trash and dog shit, and it also contained the back entrance to the Pictochat nightclub. It was just before noon, however, so the place was locked up. Mario, Hoxton, Dallas, Wolf, Chains, Pikachu, Samus, Luigi, Pac-Man, and Fox stepped out of the van, not a scratch on them. In Mario's hands, the Smash Ball, the key to unlocking the ultimate power hidden within every individual, as well as the key to defeating the Illuminati. In Pikachu's paws were the keys to Pictochat. It was his club, after all, so he could easily let his friends hide here while the heat died down. Everyone else from the van exited and entered the club. Pikachu shut and locked the door after Lucario entered, an exasperated expression on his muzzle.

"Hot damn," Lucario laughed, "I can't believe Mario's crazy plan actually worked!"

"Of course it did, Lucario," Mario chuckled as he tossed the Smash Ball between his hands like a ping pong ball, "I'm the best at what I do. A shame Peach couldn't be here to see what we accomplished today."

The room bent their heads down in a brief moment of silence. It was a shame Mario had come back to life, but not Peach or any of the other murder victims. But there would be time to mourn later. For now, they had a secret society to destroy.

"No rest for the wicked," Mario straightened himself back up, "we need to blow up the Illuminati headquarters before it's too late. Right. So, any idea where they could be based?"

The room suddenly went quiet. Mario had just coerced everyone into assaulting and robbing the White House. They had just committed treason with the intent of the greater good, but only now were they learning Mario didn't really know what to do next. The silence was broken with the sound of a pistol cocking, and the room turned to the center of the room to see Max Payne aiming his Beretta at Mario's head.

"You Italian piece of shit," he muttered, "you made us commit a serious crime when you really don't know what the fuck you're doing? We never should have trusted you, there's no way the Mushroom Kingdom would believe you forced us to do this for you."

"Forced?" Star Fox pulled out his blaster from the other side of the room and pointed it at Max's temple. "He didn't force you to do anything, you had a chance to walk away from this. There's no way Mario would have done a bad thing unless he had a good reason. Don't you dare spout wild accusations against our friend like that!"

" _Our_ friend?" Zero Suit Samus commanded her power armor to turn on, and she pointed her arm cannon at Fox. "I'd barely call him a friend. Even if he wasn't in as much trouble as he is right now, he was always some vigilante that thought he could operate outside the law, and the law doesn't work like that."

"Big talk, coming from a former bounty hunter." Scout aimed his scattergun at the space ranger's chest, "you were just a lowly mercenary a few years ago as well!"

"Look who's talking!" Ike kept the tip of his greatsword pointed at the nape of Scout's neck, "youwere a mercenary just a couple days ago, so don't act all high and mighty around Samus like that."

"FOR GOD'S SAKE STOP POINTING YOUR WEAPONS AT EACH OTHER!"

Mario's pleas for peace were cut short with the sudden shots of a firing squad, aka the Payday gang. The four clown-mask wearing criminals unloaded their assault rifles and shotguns into everyone else into the room. After two whole minutes of sustained fire, the noise stopped. The floor had become what could be described as a soup. A soup of blood, bullets, bullet casings, and ruptured organs. Everyone was dead except for Mario, who had hidden behind the bar.

"You fucking idiots," he cried from behind the alcohol, "you almost shot the Smash Ball and killed us all! More importantly, you sold us out!"

"Sorry homes," Chains laughed as he loaded shells into his Remington 870 shotgun, "but we were never working for you in the first place. We were hired by some much more rich guys to help you steal the Smash Ball."

"But why? Why would they pay you to help _us_ steal the Smash Ball, unless-" Mario didn't finish his sentence, as it all made sense now.

"Yeah, it's kind of obvious," Dallas said as he loaded a fresh mag into his M-16 assault rifle, "they paid us to help you steal it, it would save _them_ the trouble of stealing it themselves. It's pretty funny actually. You wanted to steal the Smash Ball to stop the Illuminati, when all you did was just steal it for them."

The sound of an airship from outside, followed by the rumbling of the building as the ship neared. The front doors of the club were blasted off its hinges. As the smoke cleared, M. Bison stepped through the doorway, his cape flowing gracefully behind him. Using his Psycho Powers, he telekinetically lifted Mario up into the air from his hiding place, and levitated him towards Bison.

"Hello hello, Mario," Bison looked at Mario with only the slightest of interest. Mario was at a loss for words. His brain just couldn't handle the circumstances around him, from stealing from the president, to being betrayed and watching all his friends die, and finally realizing he'd merely helped the Illuminati achieve their goals of attaining the Smash Ball. He was done. All he wanted now was death.

"More so than wanting to kill me," Bison smiled, "you would most likely want me to kill you to end the pain you've had to endure. But your punishment must be more severe. You will suffer for your sins, and watch the world die due to your attempts at being a goody goody hero. Now then," Bison walked Mario outside, and looked up at the Halberd, the Illuminati airship hanging above them, "I would like to welcome you aboard our humble vessel."

. . . . .

Mario awoke in a bright white medical ward. He hung several feet off the ground by his hands, bound in barbed wire. He had been stripped naked, his mustache and hair shaven off. His mouth tasted dry. He had to get out of here, wherever he was. Wait. He must have been on the Halberd, the flying warship of the Illuminati. He could tell because he could feel a slight rocking around the room, and he could hear the sound of jet engines from outside the vessel. Before he could think anymore, he heard a door open behind him. He began to sweat profusely, questioning the horrors he would face. He heard someone walk from behind him, and felt something cold and sharp enter his anus. He let out a short gasp. He felt it push in another millimeter. Blood trickled out as he screamed in agony. The person who put it in him finally gained the decency to reveal himself by walking in front of the nude, shackled plumber. He was approximately six feet tall, wearing a red jumpsuit that barely fit on his fat body. He fiddled his long, red mustache as he studied Mario tweak in pain.

"It's an honor to meet the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom," Dr Eggman apathetically stated, "I remember you being a member of the original Smash Bros. You returned for the Melee, and finally for the Brawl during the crisis of Tabuu, the Subspace Emissary. Quite a service record you have, Mario."

"FUCK YOU!" Mario screamed, "YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU KILLED MY GIRLFRIEND, YOU KILLED ALL MY FRIENDS, YOU TRICKED ME INTO HANDING YOU A WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU KEEPING ME ALIVE FOR ANYWAY?!"

"We've nothing to gain from this, actually."

Mario stopped screaming. He hadn't expected an answer so blunt, so... simple.

"You see Mario, the Illuminati has everything it needs now in order to destroy the world. You helped deliver the means, and all your allies are dead. The truth is Mario, we've no reason left to keep you alive. But we are. The first reason is that I just want to indulge my own personal pleasures before you finally die, but that's just for me. The main reason is simply..."

Mario couldn't believe what would come out of Eggman's lips, as Eggman slammed his fist against the Chaos Emerald to shove it deeper into Mario's body.

"... we like having the satisfaction that we went through all this effort and got away with it. Seeing you suffer, knowing there's nothing you can do about it, we feel content knowing you feel this way. That's about all there is to it."

Mario was on the verge of tears. He didn't even feel the pain of his anus being torn apart by the crystal, he was so devastated. To the Illuminati, this was all just a game. This was enough. Mario had broken. There was nothing left for him to do as Eggman pulled the Chaos Emerald from Mario's rectum, the sudden release of pressure causing a small fountain of blood to pour out. Mario could only wheeze at the sensation. He watched Eggman walk behind him, heard a belt unbuckle, fabrics hitting the floor. Oh god. Please. No. Oh god no please don't do this to me. But how could God help him, if He didn't exist in the first place?

The space left by the Chaos Emerald had left Eggman plenty of room to maneuver, but it wouldn't be enough to spare Mario from too much suffering. Then again, that was the point. Eggman's point slowly penetrated deeper into Mario, who at this point lacked the strength to even cry. Eggman went further and further before finally stopping, and reversing his movement. Just before he could exit Mario, he stopped, and again made his way inside of him. He made sure to dig even deeper, and at the very end put a bit of a thrust in his movement to catch Mario off guard. Tears flowed down Mario's cheeks, and blood flowed down his hips and legs. Eggman made not a sound as he carried on with his activities, and the silence drove Mario further into insanity. He didn't know how much longer he could take this punishment; Mario had been set on fire, shot at, thrown from cliffs, hit by the shrapnel of bombs, and even endured being cooked alive in a boiling pot. But this was more than physical pain, it was pain to his dignity. He had failed everyone, and he was being made to suffer more for his failure. His failure to make it out of this was an even bigger failure compounded on the previous ones.

After several minutes of a steady pace from Eggman, Mario felt something mix into his bloodstream. A hot sensation from his lower half coursed through the rest of his body. He could feel a mixture of urine and chunky semen pour into his system. Mario spewed vomit from his mouth as the pain overtook his ego. Eggman pulled himself out of Mario, but instead of making him feel better, Mario simply felt empty having it leave his body. This changed several minutes later as he felt the sharp points of the Chaos Emerald pierce through his bottom once again. The Emerald had been crammed up too far and too fast; he felt his tailbone shatter from the force. He jolted from the intense pain as Eggman put his clothing back on himself.

"Hang around for a while longer," he cooed, "and clench your cheeks together so that doesn't fall out. My masters don't want you bleeding out just yet. And neither would I." Eggman licked his teeth as he fantasized about the fun he would have with Mario later.

Eggman walked out of the medical ward and left Mario to his thoughts. In his jumbled state of mind, Mario ran a self-assessment with what was left of his rationality:

His tailbone had been shattered, and the nerves at the bottom of his spine had been damaged so badly that he could not feel his legs.

The cum and piss that had entered his anus and into his bloodstream was slowly infecting his body, and he would suffer a slow and agonizing death if he didn't seek first aid quickly.

The Chaos Emerald had cut through several major arteries that was causing him to bleed profusely, while simultaneously blocking blood from bleeding out. This also meant he could end up with a clot in due time.

The Emerald had shattered into some fragments inside him. Even if he removed the main hunk, he would still have to deal with the small bits that had separated from the big piece.

Wait. Fragments. Small bits. There was something that rushed into his brain that seemed foreign to him, but as he thought on it more, he realized what the feeling was. It was hope. A chance. One chance to live another day, to save the day.

With the Chaos Emerald shattered, its energies were unstable, easier to draw out. Mario used the last bits of his consciousness to will the raw energy from the smallest fragments of Chaos Emerald. As its essence seeped into him, he could feel the bleeding stop. It wouldn't 100% fix him, but it would at least patch him up. With new-found strength, he managed to wiggle his hands out of his barbed wire bindings, and fell flat on the ground. He found himself laying in a pool of his own barf and blood. This didn't bother him, he had no time to be bothered. He crawled towards the wall, used what little strength he had to reach up and tear down the door to a medicine cabinet on the wall. Several syringes fell out. Mario picked one up and prepared to inject himself when he read the label; this wasn't mere adrenaline, but liquefied Invincibility Star. He smiled at his good fortune before deciding, "fuck it". He pulled the caps off of three more needles, stabbed them all at once into his left arm, and a strength he'd never imagined burst from his body.

FUCK YEAH! FUCKING KILL!

Eggman stormed into the room to investigate the screaming he heard, only to see a beaten Mario stand up, grab a bonesaw from a drawer, swing it down on Eggman's right hand. The hand flopped onto the ground as Eggman pathetically tried to stop the bleeding from his stump.

YOU! YOU BLEED! STILL BREATHE! THAT MEANS YOU CAN STILL BE KILLED!

Mario tossed the bonesaw aside and, using nothing but his bare hands, grabbed a set of organs between Eggman's legs, and proceeded to clutch and pull downward, relieving Eggman of his precious gifts. Eggman screamed for only an instant, as a second later Mario clapped his hands as hard as he could, with Eggman's head between them, crushing it like garbage in a trash compactor. Eggman's lifeless body fell to the ground as Mario punched a hole in the wall, and walked out into a hallway full of Illuminati henchmen staring in disbelief at the feral man before them.

FUCK YOU ALL! WILL FUCK YOU UP! MORE PEOPLE TO KILL! MORE CAN DIE! MORE will... I... uh...

The effects of the syringes wore off as quickly as they'd come. Mario was no longer invincible, and he was standing naked in a hallway of slowly advancing brainwashed henchmen. However, Mario was back in the fighting spirit, had found a reason to live and fight again. These foot soldiers were mere playthings. He would dispose of them shortly enough. And the Illuminati? Oh, he couldn't wait to see the looks on their faces a few minutes from now...

 **TO BE CONCLUDED IN THE FINAL CHAPTER**


	12. Final: Part 1

They all stared in disbelief. Standing before them in their meeting room, drenched in blood, was the man whom they had seen eviscerated, burned, and buried. Yet he had been resurrected through some occult ritual and traveled back in time to thwart their plans. Even so, he had been captured and been subjected to the cruelest of tortures both mental and physical. Yet here was Mario.

"Alright, fuckers. Which one of you is first?"

Wolf answered by jumping out of his seat towards Mario. What he didn't know was that Mario, through absorbing the power of the chaos emerald which had been in his rectum, had temporarily gained some of its powers over time-space. As Wolf lunged at him, Mario stopped time at the nine second mark. This allowed him to escape.

"Mama-mia..."

So disappointing.

It didn't even take one second for Mario to finish him off. In the blink of an eye, the furry was reduced to a burning corpse. King Dedede stared in disbelief. A waterfall of tears erupted from his face. He gazed at what was his former comrade...No. He was more. Dedede looked longingly and sadly.

"You monster!", he screeched as he came upon Mario with his hammer. Or in the place Mario should have been. He heard a noise and turned around to see Mario and Ocelot fighting for the latter's Single Action Army Revolver, the best gun ever. Ocelot attempted to use his CQC prowess, but Mario, a veteran Smasher, was able to pull off the read, and, with a well-timed Up-B, Revolver Ocelot went rocketing through the ceiling in a flurry of coins. Now in possession of the revolver, Mario fired off a quick volley of shots. Dedede, Sans, and Gendo fell to the floor. Mewtwo managed to deflect a bullet. However, the new path it was on happened to be towards Bison's leg.

Bison's boot blocked the bullet, but in receiving the blow it had short-circuited, shocking Bison's leg and temporarily disabling him.

Mewtwo used his psychic powers to lift Mario into the air. The latter felt his air supply begin to cut off.

"Well, Mario, you had a good run, but it looks like this is the end for you."

"That's what you think, you freaky alien genotype!"

Mario had kept one bullet in the revolver just in case something like this happened, and the events of the past few seconds had given him an idea. He gathered just enough strength to lift his arm and aim the gun at Bison's boot. The second collision tore apart the boot, disrupting the circuitry so much that it exploded. Mewtwo, caught in the blast, was briefly stunned. However, briefly was all the time Mario needed. Before Mewtwo could recover, he was bombarded with a flurry of fireballs. As is common knowledge, creatures of the magic type tend to have weaknesses to fire and electricity/lightning. Mario's surprise attack also allowed him a 1.5X critical multiplier. Mewtwo was helpless. He fainted. And then died.

There was only one person left. He walked towards M. Bison slowly, with rage in his heart. The man seemed helpless, not even attempting to crawl away from his impending doom.

"Normally I'd feel bad about kicking a guy when he's down, but...for you I feel no pity whatsoever."

Bison just smiled.

"You know Mario, this whole experience has taught me one thing."

"What would that be?" Mario asked, pausing.

"Humanity has its limits, Mario. As long as you are human, your schemes will have flaws. In order to truly be great, you must surpass the threshold of humanity."

"W-what are you saying, Bison?!" Mario stammered. Then he noticed it, tucked in Bison's jacket.

"I'm giving up my humanity, Mario!" Bison yelled, as he pulled out the Smash ball and slammed it on the desk, breaking it.

"I transcend humanity!"

Mario was blinded by a brilliant flash of light. No. How could he have let this happen?!

 **TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART 2**


	13. Finale: Part 2

The blinding white light died down, but was replaced by another light. Before Mario stood M. Bison. No, it wasn't just Bison. It had the physical form of Bison, but with an added multicolor luminescent glow shrouding him. Not even Mario had dreamed of such gross incandescence.

"Well, Mario, what do you think of my new form?"

Mario could only stare, transfixed at the terrible perfection which stood before him. Wait. Bison wasn't even standing. He was flying!

. . . . .

The men lay dead beneath him. Lowering his rifle, the Sniper kicked off each of the Payday Gang members' masks. He had followed them to their lair and taken them out one at a time.

Now all he needed to do was find the location of Mario, and see if he was still alive. If he wasn't then the world might as well go to hell. Then he realized. He was already in hell. This place, this setting, this world, it was practically hell already. Damn it, where could they have taken Mario?!

Sniper's question was answered by a loud blast from above. Looking up, he saw the Halberd careening through the sky at an incredible velocity. Smoked was coming from one side, as if a hole had just been blasted through it. He also noticed what looked like a man following the ship. A robot man.

. . . . .

That was close. He had just barely dodged in time. There would have been nothing left of him if he hadn't. Bison wasn't playing around anymore. He was never actually playing around, but now he was not playing around even more!

But Mario had an idea. He began to taunt Bison.

"Hey, Bison, I heard you're a casual who takes three rounds to win instead of two!"

"How dare you!" The enraged Bison hurled a gigantic ball of electricity at the plumber, who, anticipating this move, flipped out of the way.

"Ha! Is that the best you can do?!"

"Of course!...Not!" A trifecta of lightning bolts came towards Mario. He was able to deflect two with fireballs, but the third caught him right in the chest.

Bison had transcended himself! He truly had gone beyond humanity!

As Mario was blasted backwards, he threw fireballs at the wall behind him to create a blast which would counteract his momentum and soften the blow. It still hurt, but to a much lesser extent.

Bison walked towards him with murderous intent etched all over his face. Mario got up and assumed his fighting stance. The two were about to continue when they heard a blast come from outside the ship. Genos came crashed through the wall of the ship, a bullet size hole in his head. In a state of slow motion, both could see the other through the hole, indicating a clear exit point.

Genos was headed on a path straight for Bison. The latter, was not about to get blind-sided again, and, in his state of near-perfection, halted Genos' momentum, and blasted him out of the ship again.

"A pity, he was a valuable asset. But he has served his purpose, and in my new form no one, nothing else is needed!"

The ship's velocity was beginning to pick up. Bison wondered how Meta Knight could allow this. Just then a loud shot rang out. A bullet traveling at high velocity penetrated on of the interior walls, barely missing Mario's head. Meta Knight entered through the door a second later.

"Lord Bison! We are taking fire!" He yelled.

"Sniper," Mario thought, "You sly bastard. Thanks for looking out for me."

. . . . .

"Bloody welcome, mate." Sniper smiled down below. As he was looking at the ship, he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He did a double take. He thought he had shot him, sent him into the ship, then saw him get blasted outwards. Yet here he was...heading for the ship again.

. . . . .

Meta Knight's tirade - and his life - were interrupted by the return of the robot man. Knowing he could not hit Bison, Genos chose the next obvious target.

Meta Knight didn't even see him! Genos' momentum sent them both into the far wall. Meta Knight became impaled on his own sword, a fitting end.

"Mario..." Genos gasped, "the Sniper, he shot the mind-controlling device off of me. My name is Genos...and I remember everything!" A ticking then became audible.

"Stop him, Mario..." Genos said, "Destroy him, for the entire Mushroom Kingdom! Destroy him, for you have the power within you!"

Mario stared in sadness and regret. This poor, innocent robot child had been manipulated against his will for the nefarious purposes of these monsters! Whatever happened, he decided, whatever the cost, he would bring down the Illuminati once and for all!

"Well, Mario, it appears this is the end... for you." Bison laughed. "I'm sure in my new form I can survive whatever this tool has cooked up."

"Whether I die or not doesn't matter anymore." Mario said calmly. "What matters is that you do. I have no intention of dying until I know the world is rid of you." He took a step forward.

"Come on, Bison. Let's finish this the way we started it...Together!" He launched himself at the bamboozled general. Unprepared for the sudden unorthodox attack, Bison found himself carried through one of the holes in the ship and out into the atmosphere, up where the air was clear. He looked around to see if anybody was flying any kites. Then he realized exactly what was happening.

There was no slowing down. The pair had reached the maximum acceleration of gravity on Earth of 9.81 meters per second squared. Bison tried to shake Mario, but the tenacious plumber would not yield to the general's strikes. The ground drew ever closer.

Mario had placed all hope in his final card. There was really no reason to hold back now. He felt a strange sense of peace as he saw the green fields of the Mushroom Kingdom come into view. Here, he knew, everyone would witness him, and his final act of sacrifice. Should he fail, he could rest easy knowing that Bowser, dear Bowser, his friend, would have no choice but to believe him.

"At last!" Bison yelled triumphantly as he finally wrestled free of Mario's grip.

"Sayonara, you fat Italian son of a bitch!"

The two were separated. Mario felt himself kicked downwards. He could now see the White House. He might not live to see the new age. But he wanted to. He didn't want it to end here, now. No, the work of a plumber is never over! So Mario did something strange. He prayed. He prayed not to a fake god or deity, but to the one man who could truly understand him.

"Please, Miyamoto-sama, let me get through this!" Mario closed his eyes.

Bison never really hit the ground. He just floated. In his state of surprise at Mario's attack back in his ship, he had forgotten his ability to fly.

The ship! Bison looked up. Just in time to see the Halberd explode into nothingness. Almost symbolic of the end of the old Illuminati and the beginning of the Bison era! Genos, in a last act of defiance, had given his life to thwart Bison's plans. All of his research, all of his patients, all of his plans, all of his funds!

It mattered little. He had won. He saw the dirt rise where Mario's body had hit the ground. He knew there was no way the plumber could have survived without a Tanooki suit...

Bison gasped. He had forgotten about those. If Mario happened to have one concealed...! He rushed over to where he had seen the crash. He saw a hole in the ground. He walked closer. He peered into it...

Empty.

"Bison!"

He turned around too late. The fist connected with his chin and he was lifted upwards with great force. The first followed, surrounded by a wave of coins. But then there was something else. What appeared to be red lightning erupted from the fist at the end, and Bison felt himself raised even higher, then fall to the ground. Fell. Not float. As he got up, he gasped as he realized he was not glowing anymore. He was not perfect anymore! No one...no human being could possibly... He looked up...into the face of the man who just could not die.

A large being stood before him, wearing a red shirt and red hat, covered by blue overalls. This being stared down at him with a stern expression. He was also glowing, multicolor luminescence and all.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you, Nintendo characters don't take fall damage!"

"Of course! How could I forget!?" Bison stared in disbelief and rage.

"You let your guard down, Bison, and now you're paying the price for your lack of knowledge about the people you were trying to conquer."

The grossly incandescent plumber walked slowly towards Bison, pulling a Poison Mushroom from his inventory.

"You have a lot to answer for, Bison. Let's starts with all the suffering and humiliation everyone had to endure! Soon you will know our pain."

As Mario's Poison Mushroom was but inches away from Bison, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Mario," he heard, in an Australian accent, "If you do this, you're no better than this tosspot."

Mario turned. Standing before him was the Sniper. He had four masks slung over his back, souvenirs of his latest hunt.

"Just finish this. No need to prolong it. The sooner we bring this to an end, the sooner we can rebuild, and move on with our lives." Mario stood still for a long time. Eventually, he felt his hand going numb from holding the Poison Mushroom, so he tossed it aside.

"Fine. You're right. Better to just get it over with."

He opened his palm towards Bison, and a large flame erupted into the kneeling general's face, eventually consuming his whole body. His screams lasted around 10 seconds, a small repentance for his many unforgivable sins.

"This is the best I can do. For my friends."

"I'm proud of you, Mario," Sniper said gently, "Not everyone has the strength to do what you just did."

Mario bowed his head in a small nod. The glowing that had surrounded him faded, and he felt abnormally weak.

"Hows about we celebrate, for what it's worth?" Sniper pulled a small package from outside his jacket. "I was saving these for when you got back."

Mario turned around to find the Sniper offering a cigar in his direction. He smiled. After what they had gone through, he deserved a little rest before the ruckus that would come in a few hours' time.

He moved his hand towards the burning corpse and lit the blunt. Sniper joined him.

"You did good, Mundy."

"You did, too."

It was then that Mario noticed the wound and the blood in Sniper's chest. The man had put up a hell of a fight. Mario was proud to have gotten to know him. Few people would have been willing to go through what he had, put faith in someone they hardly knew, all in the hope of some redemption which might never come. But it had come for Sniper.

As he took a hit from his joint, Mario began to think of his own life and his fading energy. That must be the price of losing the powers of the Smash Ball. He wasn't sure how much time he had left, whether he would survive to see the change he had helped allow. It didn't matter. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he was content.

"Hey."

He turned to look at Sniper, who looked back.

"This is good, isn't it?"


End file.
